I deserve a boat.

I try NOT to use my blog for ranting. Cuz it’s annoying. And most of the time people don’t really have a vested interest in what you are ranting about so you kind of look like a loony. I have tried, fought mightily, bit my tongue, and finally am giving in to one teeny tiny little rant: God is good. ALL...THE…TIME. I knew that, you say. Yes, we do know that…I know it, you know it, but we seem to forget it when times get hard. *This rant is for me too, FYI*

Ok…so what is this rant about? People posting on Facebook, Twitter, Blogs, etc, that God is good…when He finally gives me what I have been Santa-Clausing Him for. “I got a brand new car…GOD IS GOOD. I got that job I wanted…GOD IS GOOD.” What would we have said if He DIDN’T give us the job, car, house, boat, boyfriend, or lottery winnings we wanted? God, you stink? Nope…He’s always good. Not just when we got that swagger that says things are going our way. He can’t not be good.

Life is unpredictable, it twists and turns and drops us in the mud and picks us back up again. That’s why we need to trust in the goodness of the God who is holding it in His gigantic, safe hands. His GOOD hands. We won’t always get it…we will question it, and sometimes with good reason. God wants us to question. He wants us to run to Him with our questions, our anger, our desire to just give up. My youth pastor hubby is always telling me “yell at God if you need to…He gets it.”

Even when it chokes me to say it through my confusion or anger. God…you are good. All the time. Even when I don’t get it, even when I think you really aren’t so nice. I recognize that You are bigger than what I understand. But one day…I’m gonna sit on your lap and You’ll explain it all to me.

He loves us, and loves to give us what is best for us. Most of the time…we totally don’t even know what that is. It also doesn’t feel like “His best” when we lose a loved one or disaster happens. I recently lost an aunt, and it hurt. It still hurts, and I think it always will. But she is in Heaven right now…who am I to wish her back here? What she has now is the best thing she could have. She’s with God…she has got it made.

I’m sure sometimes it may look like a new car is what’s best for me, and daggonit I deserve that boat, but I think God can dream a little bit bigger than that.

Play On

I'm not much into going to concerts. I usually cringe when I realize I have to go to one with our youth group. But my husband is a huge Shinedown fan, and I am a huge Shinedown fan, by inheritance I think but still. Last year we had the chance to finally see them in concert.

One day about a month ago, Billy told me that he had gotten a tweet about $10 tickets to a nearby concert. I decided if I was gonna keep a happy hubby I had better get on that. So...we left the hooligans with my sisters Monday night and made a little road trip out of it. I also do not like road trips, FYI...thankfully this one was only about 2.5 hrs. ;)

Usually about as concert as I get is my iPod playing really loud over the speakers in the house. But it was fun to take a day trip with Billy and see these guys. We of course had to google the nearest Chipotle en route while we were at it. Billy needs to just have Chipotle set up in an IV.

They put on a really great show. Way better than when we first saw them. It was a much bigger venue and they had a lot more going on with their set-up. Which made the wifey happy cuz there were lots of pretty lights to take pictures of.

We did sit kind of far back, on the lawn, but that actually ended up being nice because we could stretch out. I took the zoom lens, but was secretly, or actually not secretly, harboring jealousy in my heart over people who are actually close enough to get some great shots. Concert photography is hard enough when you're close up...but it was fun to try.

We didn't end up getting back home until 2 am. I had set my phone alarm to wake me up so I could pick up the kids from my sisters by about 12, also so Billy could get to work by 12. I woke up at 12:15...as in PM. My first reaction was, "uh oh." So I shook snoozing hubby awake and he ran out the door putting on his pants.

After the shock of "how did I manage to sleep until that hour" wore off we were both grateful for the 10 hours of sleep. Pretty sure that hasn't happened since college. It's left me in some kind of a weird stupor all day though, and I cannot seem to figure out what time it is. I'm glad to have my kiddos back, too. I'm sure they'll be waking me up bright and early in the morning.

Speaking of hooligans, I think it's my cue to stop blogging for now. Tirzah is biting my foot. Also...the noise level in here is rivaling that of the concert last night. And Merrick definitely just stage dived off the entertainment center.


This week at YouCapture the theme was "Play". I think this works. Ouch...more biting my toes. Check out the link for more shots.

Different Tune

Some days I don't do anything the way I'm supposed to. I'm clumsy and stumbling in my walk, and hitting all the wrong keys. But in His grace, He hears my heart. And it's music to His ears.

Oh, Lord, You have searched me and You know me.
- Psalm 139:1 -

Perspective

I really feel like I need to start looking at things through my kids' eyes. Everything is new, and better, and bigger. Ok...maybe I shouldn't look at everything through my kids eyes. Like when Merrick told me recently that I had a "big butt". I know he meant that in the most kind of ways...of course. And no I did not look in the mirror to check to see if he was right.

But this is a good philosophy I think for a lot of things. Everything is so exciting and fun for kids. They don't take much for granted like us "big butted" people tend to do. (Thank you, Merrick.) For example...Merrick calls this thing, featured in the pictures, at my parents' house "a boat". I guess when you are 2...it pretty much is a boat.

There are a lot of things that I'm not satisfied with now, that I was at one point. It always kind of creeps up on me, and all of a sudden I realize how whiny and annoying I've become. Hey, part of that could be the company I'm keeping...they have the whiny thing down. But I need to start looking at things in a different way, and realizing that there are a lot more "boats" in my life that I should be grateful for. Just not my backside, I hope. ;)

While Mommy is Away

My kiddos were in good hands last week while I was at camp crying myself to sleep. Not that I really slept. Nothing new here. If it's not my kids keeping me away it's someone else's. ;) All the students were well behaved though, they just seem to not need to sleep...ever.

Obviously we aren't vegetarians around here. Yes, my daughter is gnawing on a bone. Their grandparents, who watched them part of the week, fixed ribs for dinner, and Tirzah is always up for some good eating.

Merrick was up to his usual antics as you can see. Practicing his climbing skills. Jails should hire him to see if there are any weak points from which convicts can escape. If you can get out of it, he will. Unless its his sister's crib. For some reason that one still has him stumped.

It was great to be reunited with my two kiddos. I missed them so much. But I already am pulling my hair out, just a bit. I always manage to forget just how wild and crazy they are. And how much they just hate to see me have to do anything alone...even taking a bath. ;)

Got a Flashlight?

Growing up one of my favorite summer memories was sitting on the front porch with my dad watching thunder storms. I still can’t get enough of that summer rain smell, and even at 28 I still get all excited when I hear a storm coming in. I’m sad we haven’t had any really great storms to watch this year. Also a storm or two would be nice since everything is brown because it hasn’t rained in 40 years.

I know they can be destructive, so there is always that little bit of a healthy fear when it comes to forces of nature. I guess that’s what makes storms even more exciting. They are out of your control, and unpredictable. They can do so much damage, but be so awesome at the same time. They sound a bit like my children, actually. ;)

Out here in the sticks a tiny storm will knock out our power, our internet, and anything else remotely electronic. That’s annoying. As soon as we hear thunder the lights start flickering. I think they’ve just resigned themselves to knowing they’re gonna be knocked out anyway. Might as well make it as painless as possible.

As much as I love storms, I haven’t been able to enjoy them with my kids yet. Merrick is convinced that thunder, or “unner” as he calls it, is big dino’s growling. He usually wakes up howling if there is any thunder, or runs to be held. *Which is kind of odd…he usually runs away from us.* And even though he loves dinosaurs he’s petrified of the suspected growling. Tirzah really doesn’t understand storms, and can sleep through them. Merrick is her brother, girl can sleep through anything.

Maybe one day my kids will enjoy sitting through a storm with me. It’s a fun memory I’d like to pass on. Maybe one day we’ll even make a move out of the sticks to a house where we don’t break out the candles and flashlights when we hear the rumbling start. ;)

Caterpillars aren't so bad.

Recently I read a quote about a butterfly. (I love quotes...the shorter the better. The short ones seem to be direct and to the point.) It said..."There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it's going to be a butterfly." This really got me, and made me appreciate, at least a little bit more, the person God is making me to be. Sometimes, I just don't see it. I get that "what on earth am I good for" feeling. But I realize that all my caterpillar-ness is a work in progress. I may feel like a loser sometimes, but God doesn't make junk.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.
The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
- 2 Corinthians 5:17 -

Mountain Top

We spent this past week at camp with about 30 students. It was exhausting and refreshing all at once. And ridiculously wild and crazy. One thing I love about working with students...they are up for just about anything. Even face planting into a pool. This was one of the girls that worked at the camp...she was pretty much awesome.

We did everything from paintballing, rock climbing, bug eating, dance partying, praise and worshiping, and zip lining. Pretty much everything but sleep, actually. We slept 12 hours last night when we finally got home, and still feel like we need more sleep. Just the way camp should be.

It was an awesome week with our students, and many made potentially life changing decisions. They all left camp feeling like they were on the top of the mountain, but I'm hoping and praying for our kids, that this is one mountain they don't come down from.

Priorities

Being a mom has taught me a few things, things that I would have never figured out on my own most likely.

1: Being pasty white is not the end of the world. Some people, Nicole Kidman for example, even look good while being pasty. Hey, less wrinkles for me. Saving children from the depths of the kiddie pool is much higher on the list.

2. Relaxation is not exactly necessary to enjoy your summer. While it's nice, and some filthy rich people get to have their cake and eat it too, also known as a nanny, for the lowly middle classers *and that's being generous...I'm probably not quite middle material ;)* we take our vacations with the kiddos, and their tons of stuff. And we LIKE it...mostly. Repeat to myself: I do not need to sleep while on vacation, I do not need to sleep while on vacation...and a little sand ingestion never hurt anyone.

3. Staying up late and sleeping in after enjoying summer festivities is highly overrated. When I was a mere college undergrad...I came and went as I pleased. Stayed out till all hours of the night, and then slept in *what is this sleeping in you speak of???* to make sure I still looked great the next day. Now? Mama...you're gonna pay for leaving us with Grandma while you were out with Daddy. Kids, I happen to LIKE dark circles under my eyes...have you totally missed the vampire craze? Also related...see point 1.I love my two kiddos dearly, and do not for one second miss the carefree days of summer that I had before the two of them arrived on the scene. Ok, I miss the carefree just a little. But yes, they are totally worth it and I wouldn't trade them for anything. Hope this little post has helped you all in getting your priorities right. If not, just do what I do and keep repeating to yourself: they will graduate one day....they will graduate one day...;)

Ride On.

This past week we took the yearly torture excursion to Kings Dominion. Yes. I said torture. I hate rollercoasters. They are dumb. Last year I had a baby to get out of going. You think I'm kidding. Wouldn't you like to know for sure? ;)

They make me scream and shake in a way that is not cute. I am not afraid to birth 2 children, or run for hours, or even of snakes, but don't you dare ask me to strap myself onto that rattling growling monster and hurtle down a hill at high speed. Are you crazy? I honestly think I'd rather jump out of an airplane.

So I stood around trying to make profusely sweating and sunburning look sexy (it was 100 degrees) while my husband and our youth group rode every ride in the park, including The Intimidator. More like the widow-maker if you ask me. My sister literally passed out. I hear this is kind of common on this ride. Again I ask...are you crazy? Passing out is not normal. Put down the season pass and walk away.
I'm kidding...I don't care if people ride roller coasters, and there was a time in high school when I rode them myself. For fear of being made fun of. Now? I really don't care who makes fun of me...I'm so over that peer pressure thing. Make fun...I'm still not getting on it. I am embracing my inner chicken.

We did have a fun trip. I love hanging out with the youth group...they are so ridiculous. I mean that in the best way. They aren't like adults either, and totally beg me to take their picture. That's fun for a change.

And also...Billy bought me a choc. chip sundae that weighed more than I do. Well...more than I did before I ate it, that is. It was so hot most of it melted on me...but I made sure to lick it off so as not to be wasteful. Hey...I had to find something to do to keep myself occupied. Ya know, besides the sweating.

This week at YouCapture the theme was "vehicles". Check out the link for more shots!

Better him than me...

In all my life, as of yet knock on wood, I have never run out of gas. I probably should have, many times. I'm really bad about driving the car until its pretty much running on fumes because I hate how much it costs to put gas in it. My dad says this is bad for the car, and it probably is...he's right about all things annoying like that.



We have run out of gas twice since we bought our car. Thankfully, both times, it's been Billy's fault. I say that because I would feel like a giant idiot calling him to come get me because I ran out of gas. I'd much rather he run out of gas so when I finally do? He won't really be allowed to be mad at me. ;) The last time we ran out of gas was just last week, in the triple digit weather.

Thankfully, we ran out of gas on the way home from the gym, which is on a really busy road that is home to a bored collision repair shop employee who practically begged Billy to let him drive him to get gas so he would have something to do. Poor guy. He was really bored. Glad we could help. Next time we run out of gas...we'll know who to call. And hopefully it will still be Billy's fault. ;)

I always do this...

I have days where I dream...just give me five minutes away from the insanity of being a mom. Oh the things I could do with those 5 minutes. Eat, shower, go to the bathroom without an audience, or even brush my teeth. My husband would appreciate it.

But then the time comes. The time to pour some attention into some other, older but no less rambunctious, kids for a week. Youth camp time. And I panic. OhmyGOSH what will I do? I'll have to go to the bathroom alone. I'll have time to eat. No, please. I changed my mind. Can't I stay home?

Wait, no...I really want to go. But ohmygoodness what will I do without those faces to kiss? Those faces that are always in mine wanting something. I might not be able to function without a diaper to change. Ok, I may be ok without that. But oh...I already miss them and I haven't even left them yet. I'm doing a backwards kind of countdown...still 5 hours left with the hooligans.

I know, just KNOW, no one can take care of them as well as me. What if they cry and no one understands what they need because I am their go-to translator? I even understand Merrick through the stuttering, the "I'm too excited to talk slowly" stuttering. I totally trust the capable hands they've been left in, don't get me wrong. But still...I'm mom. Which is synonymous with worry.

I am so excited I get to go to camp this year. I think. Maybe I'll ask Billy if it's too late to change my mind. No...I can handle it. Maybe. But wait...no one is pulling on my leg. *hyperventilating* I'll have to ask one of these highschoolers if they can PLEASE ask me for something every two seconds so I won't have some kind of attack. I thought homesickness was usually for a place, but now I totally understand its for those you cannot have home without. Only 5 more days till I'm home again...

1

One might seem like a small number...in the grand scheme of things. But think of how much it can change. It can mean winning or losing a game, missing a flight, or one more hour of sleep, which is invaluable around here. No one ever really talks about the two loves of their lives...it's really only that one special someone, your one and only. We only need One Savior to save us, and one simple but huge belief in Him to change our lives...the only one we get.

It can also represent this past year. One whole long but amazingly short year of Tirzah Shae. This time last year we saw her chubby-cheeked little angel face for the first time. Love at first sight. *Only needed one look...one whiff of new baby...one little "where on earth am I cry to know it was love.*

Amazing...what a year, one year, can do. We went from 3 to 4. From me and my boys to the four of us. One minute we were anxiously begging her to show up, and the next we were holding her and thinking how in the world did we get so blessed? One tiny little person that is one huge responsibility, and gift, all in the same package. How in the world, I wonder sometimes, am I going to do everything I need to raise these kids right? Not just one, but one million prayers...that's for sure.

I cannot imagine life without her...one blue-eyed, feisty-tempered, heart-stealing heck of a baby girl. Our one and only Princess Poo. Tirzah Shae. Baby girl...we are so blessed. There is only one of you in this whole world. I am the most blessed mommy to have you in my life. Praise God for letting us be your family. Happy first birthday, my sweet girl. We love you!

"A girl is innocence playing in the mud,
Beauty standing on it's head,
And motherhood dragging a doll by the foot."
- Alan Beck