Oh, Boy...

At this point, 3 years ago today, you were barely 4 hours old. I was knocked out from an emergency c-section and hadn't even seen you yet. But when I did? My world changed. It had started changing 37 weeks earlier (you have always been in a hurry...even coming 3 weeks early so you didn't miss out on anything) when you were just our little secret.

I remember not telling anyone about you for a few weeks. It was fun, and so hard, keeping this secret. I think I was scared you might be a figment of my imagination. Surely those many tests I took were wrong. I did nothing to deserve you, in all your crazy blond wildness. You were all gift.

You have changed my life, in so many ways. I no longer can begin to think only of myself. And if I do, you make sure it's short lived. ;) Everything I do effects you, and God knew I so desperately needed that. I needed someone to shake up my world and let me know it wasn't all about me.

Sometimes my heart hurts when I look at you. You are the cutest boy I've ever seen...sometimes I'm surprised by how much I love you. I know God has used you to let me understand, a little bit better, how He loves us. You are so energetic and free-spirited, independent and stubborn. Your mother's child with traits like those, but at the same time a little version of your daddy.

I know how blessed, tried, amazed, and overwhelmed I have been since I first knew you were coming. It only grows every day. Some days I think I'll never be the mom you deserve. I get mad with you, I can't figure out what to do with you. And then I remember, like God does for me...I just need to love you, exactly for, and because of, who you are. There may be things about being a mom that aren't easy. But that job? It's NOT a job. And its so easy. I love you, baby boy. Happy 3rd Birthday!