6 Miles, 6 Months, and a Sistatwin

Anyone who's been keeping up with it knows that typically my and Baby Four like to bust out a 10 miler on Saturdays. (We are hoping to keep this up as long as it feels ok...but also just taking it one run at a time and enjoying each one since you never know what pregnancy might bring. With Jericho I was complication-free and non-achy enough to able to run up until the day before delivery. But every time around has been different so we will see!)

This weekend, though, we had a local 10k that we had signed up for. LOVE this race...it's one of the largest 10k's in the country, and always well put on and loads of fun. This is the first time I have done it pregnant, however. Lots of people do this race in costume, so I'm happy to say I wasn't the only whale (or horse, cow, chicken, sheep, bunny, pirate ship, etc) running the race. ;) Hehe. I was the only person in a pregnant "costume" that I saw, however. And I even passed a circus tent. But did barely get outrun by a horse and a banana...or two. You can always count on seeing a banana at this race, and not the ones they hand out at the finish line.

This year I got to run with my Sistatwin. :) The first year I did this race I ran with another sister. If I keep it up maybe I'll eventually get all of them to participate. Ahem...Anna and Ali, you're up. Abby is always up for a good race, and she did awesome! This was her first 10k, and she didn't stop once except when we got a quick drink of water at about halfway through. Great job, sistatwin! (Sidenote, we were picking up her race bib for her and I had printed off her driver's license. Billy walks in the house and wants to know why I've got a picture of my license sitting on the table. Yep. They are twins.)

Since we were kiddo-free for the weekend, Billy and I had a chance to eat anywhere WE wanted for once. (The kiddos don't like to eat anywhere that they have to wait to get their food unless it's Chuy's. For some reason it's ok to wait at Chuy's. I think because there are copious amounts of chips and lots of coloring to do.) Pizza seemed to hit the spot after a good race, and goodness knows you don't argue with a pregnant girl who's just run 6 miles. 

As we are getting close to the third trimester, (can't believe that! only about 2.5 more weeks!) I'm trying to enjoy all the freedom I can before we are back in the "baby stupor". I mean, not like a girl with 3 kids has freedom per say, but anyone who has ever dealt with a baby knows it's a whole different level of tied down and exhausted. I'm completely looking forward to it and can't wait, but also know it's going to be even more tough than the other times since we have a terrorist on the loose as well. Speaking of terrorist and races and all that...I'm going to attempt to start potty training Jericho tomorrow and will be doing lots of racing to the bathroom. So look for that interesting blog post coming up. ;)

Busy, Beyond Exhuasted...and Bored?

I typically like to keep it funny over here. No one wants to read a blog of gloom, right? I do break out the serious every once in awhile though. Today is one of those days. It's coming from a recent conversation me and Billy had. (We've had this conversation before, but had it again this past monday. Mondays are so hard for some reason. I think it's just the starting over, the whole week ahead with so much I'm supposed to be doing, and so many people I'm supposed to be keeping alive and not filthy, and teaching lots of stuff.) Anyway...Monday was a rough one.

I have often wondered how it is that I can be SO busy, and yet some days, so...bored. (Life with 3 small kids is nothing but busy. I hit the floor running in the morning and it's one thing after another. Breakfast and laundry, and school and cleaning up the mess breakfast made just in time for it to be lunch and more hungry people making more of a mess to clean up, and getting Jericho out of all kinds of trouble, taking people here and there, trying to be a decent member of society and church and family and it always seems like it's my week/day/month somewhere to do something, bring something, take care of something. It's all things that I want to do...but that doesn't mean they aren't exhausting. Some days I think if I pour one more sippy cup of juice, or make one more sandwich, or clean up one more sticky mess I didn't make, or have to take one more trip to the store with 3 people who only want to wreak havoc all over the place so that I can't remember even why I'm at the store, or break up one more fight, or trip over one more toy.

Sidenote: I can hear it now...the "you'll miss this" comments. My soul just wants to curl up and die a little bit even thinking about hearing it. When someone like me finally admits to being tired, this someone who never whines, I loathe whining, my husband can attest to how often he's heard me say *suck it up, buttercup*, the ensuing round of unhelpful "you'll miss this" comments really just serve to tell me that my tired isn't ok. I shouldn't share that. It's not ok to be worn down by the tough job of constantly giving up what I want and need for the wants and needs of 3, 4, really 5, other people who depend on me daily. When anyone reaches out for community, encouragement, prayer, or just a "you're doing good work, and yeah it's ok to be tired", we should take the opportunity to give that encouragement, not further drive in the nail of covering up our struggles. Life is dirty, grungy, brutal, and beautiful...but we can't see all the sides of it when we hide the sandpaper that makes us shine.

I don't want to sound snarky here at all, just honest. I never said I wouldn't miss my children. I know I will. I miss them now just watching them grow. I adore being a mom. I wanted to do it, felt led and called to do it, wouldn't trade it for any other occupation. I feel fulfilled pouring my days into their lives. But please, don't correct me (or anyone else doing what they love) for being exhausted. We don't tell a professional athlete not to feel exhausted after competing in the event of their lives. We won't fuss and wag our fingers at a businessman for needing a vacation, or to unplug once in awhile. We wouldn't tell a teacher not to look forward to summer break. We'd never dream of telling a soldier they don't need to come home and rest after deployment. Why should we fuss at moms for needing rest? This is our job. It's what we do all day every day, and the monotony, even of something you love, can feel like exhausted boredom sometimes. It can rub you raw.

But that predictability, that beautifully boring routing, also serves to remind me of the blessing of being with these precious people everyday. It doesn't lessen how tough it can be, but it reminds me to hold on to the One who knows how my soul craves rest and peace and understanding. He made me to love sunshine, traveling, peace and quiet, and warm beaches...none of which are on my schedule right now. But He knew this...He knows this. My life and all it's gritty glory is in His hands, and He is using the grit to scrape away the ugly stuff. He uses those people that wear me out to love me. He shows me that our beyond-tight budget, which often feels suffocating, shows me with no fluff exactly where He's providing. He shows me that with every sandwich I make, every load of laundry I do, every sticky mess I clean, I'm being made new. Prepared for the day when it will be all warmth and light and rest. It hurts, it's boring, it's stressful...but when I let go of forcing my life to only gleam and sparkle, I can appreciate the times that it does even more, and learn to embrace the beauty that the boredom brings.

The Past is in the...Cat?

I have seen about one (hundred) too many 'Let It Go' covers. I mean, the song is cute (the first 100 times you hear it) but I've seen so many housewives, and their husbands, redoing it that I thought I was going to lose it. Also, you can listen to it in about 300 different languages if you keep watching the DVD after the movie is over. I know because my kids insisted on watching ALL THE LANGUAGES the other day. I also was treated to a special grocery store 'Let It Go' cover in the ice cream aisle by a herd of children that I was not herding for once.
  I think, though, that this is my favorite version of the song I've heard so far. My mom sent me this video Sunday after church, since she had taken the kids home with her for the afternoon. I laughed until I cried. My favorite part would be hard to pinpoint, but one of my particular favorites is when Merrick says, "the past is in the cat!!!". (He's great with song lyrics. Like the time he sang Lorde's song lyrics as "where are these tiger's teeth", instead of "we're on each other's team".) And Tirzah is pretty good at looking sincere. But her past is in the "pack"...so obviously the past isn't where it belongs in either version. Hope it made you laugh as much as it did me. But I'm hoping soon we will all be able to let it go...um, go...for real. ;)

Spring and Growing Things

Don't have a lot to say...we are too busy playing outside. (And keeping an eye on the weather since they are calling for another 'winter storm' early next week.) We are soaking up all the sun we can, and hoping maybe this time it sticks around. I am personally just enjoying every day where I can clean dirt off kiddos at the end of the day, instead of cleaning up toys out of every room in the house.

I had visions of a "first day of Spring" photo shoot. I went outside to see about rounding up the kiddos and really didn't get very far. They were entirely too busy. Some of them playing soccer, some of them scowling at me and not saying "cheese"...one flower child, however, always loves to let me take pictures of what she's found. I ended up being content to just watch them play though...squinting in the warm sunshine, yelling to each other, brushing dirt off hands and growing up and away every second even though I'd love to keep them close and little.

Spring is such a fresh time. It inspires me all over again to keep up my list of 1000 gifts I've been working on through the beginning of this year. It's been tough, through a lot of ups and downs already this year (and my admitted emotional-ness throughout this pregnancy; it's been a tough one for obvious reasons...full of stress and worry, joy and sadness, fear and hope...the whole gamut) to keep going with this list, to keep remembering to be thankful. Some days I'm not. Some days I don't even want to be. But then I see...the angry-sad-scared-tired melts away a little bit and I'm made aware of so many little things, big things, growing things (in my soul, my belly, and my yard) that point me back to His grace. So often it takes a long Winter to help you see whats really growing.

'Frozen' After-Party

So I gave in. I bought 'Frozen'. It's not that I didn't think it was a cute movie. It was. But I never buy movies unless I happen to find them in the $5 bin at Walmart. This wasn't too expensive though. We don't have one of them new-fangled blu-ray players, so it was only about $16. ;) And the looks on the hooligans faces definitely made it worth it I think.

It was also excellent bribery material since we had to run a few errands before we could get home to watch it. I've never seen them so well behaved in a store. I typically try to avoid bribing the hooligans, but ya know, sometimes you do what you gotta do. This little video below was another reason I think buying the movie was worth it: the hooligans ridiculous dance moves while the credits were rolling. Definitely Oscar worthy.

Spring Tease

I sit here writing this...with more dumb snow (Yes, snow is dumb. It's gotten even more dumb since it's snowed 57 times this Winter.) pouring down outside. The kids are out the back door playing in it. (That'll last about 5 minutes, so I have about 4.5 to finish this post.) I think they are about over it too. Tirzah said yesterday, when she heard more snow was coming, "I HAAATE snow!" Me too, kiddo. And I think finally the entire population of Virginia is beginning to agree with me. (Although I was the trend setter who hated it from the start.)

Thankfully, we had a gorgeous Saturday (sunny and 70 degrees) to kind of help us get through another nasty Monday. I mean, I think the warm weather was a good thing. It kind of makes it harder to go back to the cold nasty stuff...but Saturday was so great I don't think I'd change it. I was able to go for a long run with Baby Four, where we spotted lots of Spring flowers sprouting. It was just what I needed. And the kids were outside all day...so I think it was much needed all around.

I got back home, and they were digging in the backyard for diamonds. I'm confiscating any they happen to find, btw. Diamond mining doesn't look very comfortable to me, but what do I know?

They presented me with several "trophies" for my run well done. These are way better than your typical race medal.

I was also awarded with a peanut butter and jelly 'stache kiss from my oldest hooligan. Why is he looking so grown up these days? I"m going to just ignore it and see if it goes away.

I hope that each of you are somewhere warm and snuggled up. Who knows, maybe this will be the last of the white stuff this go around? Oh, and Happy Saint Patty's Day! (I totally forgot about that...I need to go pinch a few kids.)

My Morning Date.

It's not every day that Jericho and I get some time alone without the other two kiddos. They usually are the ones to get me up in the morning, since he's still in a crib and can't get out. (Otherwise I'm sure it'd be the other way around. He usually will just sit in his crib and play/talk until I come get him.) This morning the older two slept in a little bit, and so me and Jericho had some one on one time. He is much easier to handle when he has all my attention, which is a no-brainer, but it just doesn't happen very often. I kinda feel like I've missed out spending time with just him. It was fun to watch him piddle around the living room...so busy with his play world. Working so hard at random little "projects" like plugging in the laptop cord, and stuffing toys in his "backpack" thats really his sister's bag slung over his shoulders.

He was very busy working while mommy was working on some projects, too. He kept coming to check on what I was doing, and showing me what he was doing. It was one of those moments where you feel peaceful and right just being a mom. (Those don't usually last very long...usually someone starts a fight. But it's hard for J to start a fight when the objects of most of his arguments are still sleeping.) I am thinking we need to make more time for just the two of us, and the same for the other kiddos. I am always envious of those families who have the time and/or extra finances to take their kids on "dates". (I know you don't really need money for one on one time, but Billy's schedule makes it hard for anything but hanging on till bedtime most days since it's typical for it to be just me and the kids until they go to sleep at night. I digress...maybe one day he will work a 9-5 job?)

I'm grateful for a little glimpse of this guy's personality this morning. I know I see him all day, every day, but it was fun to watch him be himself and just enjoy playing with him and giving him all my attention. I mean, it's hard NOT to give all your attention to those big brown eyes. They kinda suck you right in.

Lunch with a Maniac on Monday

Nothing crazy here, just your usual Monday. But I did have lunch. Lunch with a weirdo baby. Since Monday's generally stink for a lot of the general population, I figured maybe it would brighten your day. It helped mine a little. At least until that sandwich he's eating ended up smashed on the floor. 

All weirdness aside...I really do love being this guy's mommy.

Cuz I Wanna Know You...

Naming babies is one of the things we always enjoy about our growing family. We've gotten a lot of flack for some of the names we've picked...too different, hard to spell, people might mispronounce it, they might get picked on, etc. But each name was a mutual decision (thankfully we rarely disagree on names...although I did nix "Boaz" with Jericho.) and we wanted our kids to grow up with names that were their own and that meant something to us. Who cares if people mispronounce your name...you still know who you are. I've had my name misspelled and mispronounced for about 31 years, had professors and doctors assume I was a man, had it shortened (nope...it's Austin-Lee, not just Austin) and about everything else you can imagine. I wouldn't change it for anything. I like that I don't know anyone else with my name.



Sidenote: This is not a "popular name" bashing post. I don't care what other people name their kids. I do, however, always think it's funny that people would expect a "Tom" or "Sally" out of our family. Come on, now. ;) 



So, when we found out we were expecting again, we already knew what we would name the baby if it were a girl. We had randomly talked about what an awesome name _________ would make in a casual conversation one day, but just didn't think we'd ever end up actually using it because we were "done" having babies. So when we found out that Baby Four was, in fact, a girl...the name picking process was already done. (I kind of was relieved, because I wasn't coming up with anything in the boy name department when I managed to find a second to think about it.)

The name that we've picked out for baby Four is Amaryllis Eve. Amaryllis is pronounced am-ah-RILL-iss) Yeah, it's maybe a bit of a mouthful for a little tiny person...but I have no doubts this beautiful little soul growing in my belly will grow into it. Amaryllis is a flower, and it can mean "sparkling" or "fresh". It's also the name of a song we both love, and is where we heard it first. *You can listen to it HERE.* Eve means "life", as you probably know.

The lyrics to the song weren't really of any consequence at first...we just like the sound of Amaryllis. After we found out we were expecting twins, and then lost one, baby Charis, the lyrics kind of came into focus. I haven't really been able to listen to the song without crying since...but in a bittersweet kind of way. Part of the song that always gets me says this: "So do I remind you of someone you never met, a lonely silhouette. And do I remind you of somewhere you want to be, so far out of reach. I wish you'd open up to me, cuz I wanna know you, Amaryllis. Bloom." It always reminds me, as does this baby I'm carrying, of the one we've never met. It reminds me of how I can't wait until that day when we are all together as a family. And it also speaks about how much I want to be able to get to know this baby, our Amaryllis. And how much I want her to be able to bloom and grow.

So, that's the long winded version of why we picked out this particular name. I'm sure I'll get asked that a lot, so I wanted to write it all down while I was thinking about it. (Not sure when I'll end up publishing this blog post, I'm writing it the day after we found out Four is a girl. We've talked about keeping the name secret until she's born, like we did with JHawk. But part of me just is not motivated enough to keep a secret for another pile of weeks. It was hard enough keeping this pregnancy secret for 10 weeks. So...we shall see.)

Little Amaryllis, we are so excited to know you...and can't wait to see how you add sparkling life to this name. Bloom...

It's...a...

So we found out yesterday that Four is a baby girl. Tirzah is thrilled with the idea of having a sister, and we are all thrilled right along with her.

We got to take all the hooligans to the ultrasound with us, like we did with Jericho. They were surprisingly well behaved...asking lots of questions and getting lots of laughs out of the *very patient* ultrasound technician. She said it was the first time she'd heard kids say a baby sibling looked like a bird...she typically hears "dinosaur". The hooligans like to be different.

They were well-prepped for the ultrasound, and knew they wouldn't be seeing much but baby sister's skeleton. We made it into a science lesson of sorts, and the hooligans were excited to see baby sister's heart (with all the different chambers and the blood flowing in and out) and her brain, stomach, bladder, kidneys, etc. They were a little confused as to why she was in water...and assumed she surely must be uncomfortable because they wouldn't want to be in water like that. (I reminded them that they were in water too...and how much they like baths and swimming. Then it was all "oooooh...yeah.")

About 3/4 of the way through the ultrasound the kids suddenly were ALL parched and dying of thirst...and the main concern was not Four's comfort, but when we could get slushies. (They've obviously been conditioned to know that Sonic and their happy hour special is on the way home from mommy's doctors appointments.) Thankfully little sister was "the best behaved baby of the day" according to the tech (wonder if she will keep that up???) and our appointment didn't take long at all.

We got them their slushies and then went to pick up a little outfit for the baby...kind of an accidental tradition we ended up with, picking out a "going home" outfit for baby when we find out what they are. Tirzah had a great time helping pick it out. She also wanted to get the baby sunglasses and a swimsuit and about 379 other articles of clothing. She obviously needs to be given a tight budget once she starts shopping. She wanted me to take a picture of the outfit we picked, and then decided her pj's were also in need of a photo opp. I agree. ;) I think she's gonna make a great big sister to a little sister.

We are feeling so thrilled with how healthy Four looked today. I have kind of been holding my breath, waiting for something to go wrong ever since we lost our sweet kiddo's twin. Not a great example of trust in God, I know. But hey, just keeping it real around here. I am so grateful, though, that God continues to show me His grace even when I have nothing to offer him but my fear and doubts. I know that you're not guaranteed anything in this life, but we are so grateful for how God is knitting this baby together even now. We are so looking forward to meeting her this Summer, and getting to finally see more than just that cute little skeleton of hers. ;)

Every Once in Awhile...

...I catch them getting along. Apparently climbing the walls (literally as you can see) on our most recent snow day wore them out enough that they could exist on the same couch cushion without anyone losing an eye. If this is what happens when it snows, maybe I'll give snow another chance.

Nah...;)