A Year

Over the past year we've had so many things going on as a family. So many changes, and so much growth. It's been pretty painful, but our 2014 wasn't nearly as painful as 2013. (I was so ready to kick 2013 to the curb.) We've moved into a new house, had a baby, had major ups and downs financially as Billy continues to work hard at his job...exhausting but good stuff.

Through all of that, though, we've definitely felt the absence of "one of us". This past weekend we recognized our little Charis Eden's "birthday", or the day we found out she was not going to be joining our family with her twin sister. December 27th...a day I'm probably never going to be a fan of. It was the most painful day I've experienced yet, and while I do love reminders of her, this one in particular is probably always going to be hard. All the emotions of that day kind of overwhelmed me, and I just wanted to do something to feel connected and honor her. 

We ended up deciding to have a fun family day, like we would with any of our other chidlren's birthdays. We bought a balloon and wrote little notes to her, which we attached to the balloon and let it go at a park where we let the kids play for awhile. We had dinner at our fav restaurant, Chuy's, and just were together. It was good for my heart to have friends message me and tell me they missed her too, and to hear my kiddos talking with so much love about the sister we all miss.

Even writing this, a year later, is hard. I'm crying, of course, and my kids are nosily but sweetly asking me what's wrong and offering me their M&M stash. I didn't realize until it happened to me just how much love it's possible to feel for a tiny person you only knew for 10 weeks. (Really...we only knew we were carrying twins for 2 weeks. I knew I was pregnant really early on, before 4 weeks even, but didn't know it was twins until 8 weeks when we saw them on the ultrasound, snuggled up together and both alive and well.) 

I don't even hope it gets any easier, really. I hate missing her, but I never want to forget her. I never want to not feel that someone is missing. And I don't ever want to be insensitive to any mother who has lost a baby, no matter how early. People seem to think your grief is directly proportional to the length of time you've known the baby you're carrying, that a mother who loses a baby early on really shouldn't be so upset. I'm sure it only gets harder as they get bigger and you get closer to meeting them, but losing a child is never easy...no matter how small they are.

We are so grateful for this past year, and for the effect that Charis Eden's short life has had on us. God used her to teach us, and many people around us, more about His grace. And especially in the pain of missing her, that's another gift that I am grateful for. Looking forward to this next year with each of these gifts, and all the growing and learning we will do as a family.

New Traditions

Christmas is pretty full of traditions. All families seems to have their own...some more than others, and some a little stranger than others. I'm not typically big on traditions, but I know that growing up some of the things "we always did" are some of my favorite memories. So I'll work on this for my kids' sakes. But that said, they weren't a fan of a "new tradition" we tried to start the other day.

We bundled them up and took them to get donuts in their PJ's. We thought our costume wearing children would love going out in their pajamas to get sugared up. Nope. They kept asking us why we would do that to them, and told us they were embarrassed. Little hypocrites. ;)

Once we got the donuts back home, though, it was a different story. They wanted to know when they could have more.

Of course some of us didn't eat donuts. She has fancy milk to drink, minions. And then it's time for her nap, where you better not forget to turn on her vacuum.

After we ate all those donuts we all worked out together, except for Fancy Pants of course. (I know I know, what is wrong with us...but we love it, and the kids think it's a big dance party in the living room.) So I guess if you have a tradition of eating donuts, at least you follow it up with a good family sweat fest. Next year, if this tradition continues, we might just have to skip the pajamas since it was so traumatic, and go in our superhero costumes.

As Christmas day gets closer, I hope you and your family enjoy many meaningful traditions and lots of time together. Thanks for following along with our family through another year! We are grateful for each of you! :)

Express Christmas

As we all grow up in my family, we have acquired in-laws. This isn't a bad thing, but require some holiday logistics for the most part. (A struggle that is real for many people, I'm sure.) This year is the year that 3 out of the 6 siblings will be in other locations for Christmas. So we had our "express Christmas" (Modern family watchers will get the reference) this past Sunday. I  know my mom freaks out a little when we aren't together on the official day of Christmas, but I think it was a pretty good substitute.

We always do this when we get together. It's just one of the traditions. Some of us are a little more comfortable with it than others. Mom handles a gun like it has Ebola, but surprisingly doesn't do too bad with shooting it. ;) We were all just impressed that she was actually spotted on the family "gun range".

In my case, I think it never hurts to have pretty nails while you're shooting. It especially helps in figuring out where your fingers are when it's so cold out that you can't feel them. Ok, maybe it wasn't that cold...but it's hard to shoot when you're shivering. (But I did still take out that stale gingerbread house we used as one of the targets. We are fans of seasonal target practice as well. Thanksgiving was pumpkins that were past their prime.)

It was great to have the whole entire group together. We really know how to fill up a room. And pretty much the only way to get everyone in a picture anymore is with a panorama. (But who am I kidding, rarely do we all sit still long enough to prevent someone ending up with three arms in one of those shots.) Everyone ended up with lots of new Christmas swag and stuffed full of candy that mom dishes out in the stockings.

It doesn't matter really to me what day it happens...family Christmas is always a good time, with lots of laughing and yelling and shenanigans. I love having a large family, and being able to get all these crazies together at one time. Glad that we all live close enough, and can generally tolerate each other enough, to make it happen. Mom only usually has to break up a couple fights. ;)

Even though we've already celebrated, I'm looking forward to Christmas morning with my own pack of hooligans. If I've realized anything after having kids, it's the spending time together that makes a day special. But...I'm not going to turn down presents either. 

Crazy People.

This is the time of year where you spend a lot of time around that group of crazy people we all call family. (My family is definitely crazy...but I see them all the time. So I feel like they don't qualify as crazy anymore.) It's also a time of year where there is a lot of good food sitting around to help you deal with said crazy people. I've been a really good girl this year, in terms of not eating my emotions. "I'm in a glass case of emotion." (10 points if you can name that movie. I don't know what you'll use the points on, but I don't want to seem rude and not give you points.)

Billy and I have been doing another round of 21 Day Fix between Thanksgiving and Christmas. So when I named this blog post "crazy people",  I was really referring to us, not that family member you're going to see in about a week. I do think it's probably the toughest time of year to eat green crunchy stuff instead of chocolate covered stuff. And people really bust out the parties this time of year too. And there is always non-crunchy green food at parties. Crunchy green food gets a lot of hate...even though green really is a very festive color. That said, we have done pretty well. Not sure if its out of habit at this point or just sheer determination. Either way I am looking forward to eating my entire stocking's worth full of candy Christmas morning.

To go along with the crazy, we've been working out together in the mornings as often as we can manage it. (What is wrong with us? I don't know, but we kinda like it. We've been doing Insanity Max:30 as a trial run before I start the challenge group January 1st. It's awesome. You should do it.) The kids park themselves on the couch and taunt us about sweating, ridicule us when we take a break, and laugh if we mess up a move. They're such sweethearts. ;)

As we enjoy Christmas, and wrap up this year, I'm remembering how crazy (and kind of awful) 2013 was. This year we've made new habits, settled in to a new home, made new friends, met our littlest love, and generally had a little bit easier time with life. It's been good to make some changes for the better for our family, from everything to our eating habits to our routine to just our attitudes in general. So, crazy or not, I'm grateful that I get to spend this holiday season with this bunch, and am glad for the lessons learned...whether that be deep life lessons, or just learning to eat your vegetables. (Me. I'm learning to eat my vegetables. My kids not so much. Does anyone's kid eat vegetables? If they do don't comment. Except to tell me what voodoo you do to make them like vegetables.)

Dry Run

Last year we ran the Tacky Light Run...in the pouring down 40 degree rain. It was fun, sort of. What I could see of it through my poncho. The lights were so pretty, though, even in the rain. I remember thinking though that if it was raining this year I was going ot have to miss out on the Christmas lights.

Thankfully the weather was pretty much perfect this time around. No ponchos needed. It was chilly, but once we got moving we weren't even cold. There was lots of crazy people wearing sparkling antlers and chrismas blinkie things to distract you, as well. The lights in the neighborhood we ran through were all out, too. These people know how to tacky up a house.

This time the kids were there waiting at the finish line with my mom, so naturally they confiscated all the blinkie Christmas paraphernalia we had aquired from our race packets and along the run. Said blinkie things blinked all the way home from the race and literally gave me about 46 heart attacks thinking we were being pulled over by the cops.

I think next year, we may even drag them along with us. Merrick asked could he run it with us next year. (Although 4 miles might be a bit much for him. And do I really want to take 4 kids on a 4 mile run in the dark? Kinda.) Obviously half of them would be in a stroller...and then I'd have to borrow another stroller and make Billy push it for the other half of them. So maybe I should discuss this with him first. But I've got a whole year to talk him into it.

In the Crib

Amaryllis usually sleeps in her swing. She's been sleeping in there since she was about a month old. The month before that she slept in my bed. I don't mind snuggling with a tiny little baby...but she was never very snuggly and then that little reflux thing happened and she just cried and sniffled all night. So the swing was one way to keep her propped up to try and help with the reflux.

The other day though, said swing just...stopped...working. It was 4 months old. Really?! We called Fisher-Price and they are replacing the motor. That's what I thought. Our old swing lasted through three babies and a enough D batteries to power a space station. It finally died after Jericho. But that might have been a lot of weight to swing after Tirzah lived in it for the first half year of her life. Anyway, it was way too expensive and new to give up the ghost.

That said, there really wasn't anywhere for her to sleep except for in the non-swinging swing, or the crib she's never used. We tried the crib. The first night was not so great. But I can't tell if that was the crib's fault or Amaryllis. I'm going with Amaryllis...who has never slept through the night yet in her 5 months on this earth. (YESI'MTIRED.) She still wants to eat at least once per night, but often just wakes up to screech like an animal until we get up and wrap her up in a blanket, say a few choice words, and beg her to please for the love go to sleep.

The second night in the crib was much better. I think. I might have just slept through it and Billy dealt with her. Who even knows anymore. But I think at this point we wont be going back to the swing even once we do get it fixed, except maybe for her naps. She does still nap in the non-swinging swing. Fancy pants is a creature of habit, so we don't want to throw her too many curve balls at once.

Christmas Card Season

I've never been one to send Christmas cards. I maybe did it one time before I was even married? But I do love getting them. (I feel like this makes me some kind of Christmas card hypocrite.) I also love taking pictures that I know are going to be used to spread a little Christmas cheer, in the form of those cards I don't send.

I get to see this adorable family a couple times per year. It's always a good time, with fun chats and cute kiddos, and of course a picture or two. This year we've added a member to the Christmas card roster...and good grief those blue eyes will just knock you down. Too cute! I love catching up with these guys. :) I hope that they have a wonderful holiday!

This is another sweet family I get to see several times a year. They aren't too bad looking themselves! Those two boys are the cutest, and I love the energy they bring to each session. They are both growing entirely too fast.

I love catching up with these guys as well, and am grateful for the chance to hang out as well as take their pictures. Photo shoots where you feel like you're just hanging out with old friends are definitely my favorite.

Hope that each of these families have a wonderful holiday...can't wait to see them next Spring! :)

Evergreen

"Cuz, honey, your soul will never grow old. It's evergreen."

This time of year is always a mix of weary and fun for me. I don't like the gray, cold weather, (it may seem dramatic, but it really wears me down emotionally and physically) but I do love Christmas. I was listening to a song the other day that included the above lyrics, and it kind of reassured me in a way. So many things change with the seasons: myself, my kids, our circumstances, our location, our circle of friends, ideas and opinions, etc. I go through seasons I don't like, holding on for better ones, hoping to make it through with grace and strength.

A lot of times I'm afraid of the changes, the seasons, and of the maturing you can't avoid. But I think this made me realize that some things don't change. My soul is secure, and I know where I belong. The seasons can't wear it away, or run it out. The One who created the seasons is also the one who molded my soul, and He is the constant that sustains it all.

Well, thanks.

Last week pretty much flew by. I know I said I was taking a break from life...but really I think the only thing I took a break from was homeschooling. We had a great, but very busy week.

We spent most of Wednesday and Thursday out at my parents' house. We celebrate thanksgiving on Wednesday, and then hang out and eat leftovers and watch football on Thursday. There also might have been a little foosball with a 2 year old thrown in there, too. Game face pictured below.

After all the Thanksgiving festivities, we even did a little black Friday shopping. I can count the times I've shopped on black Friday on zero fingers. I am not much of a shopper, and I don't particularly do large groups of people, and I'm typically a cheap skate. Those don't add up to a good black friday shopper. But...I went. And I shopped. (And yes, I took the smiling, chatting, drooling 4 month old with me.)

As you can see on my "break" there wasn't any closing of the eyes allowed. People who close their eyed get squished under a 40 pound 2 year old who likes to pry your eyeballs open. He also likes to wear pajamas that don't match, obviously.

One of our family traditions around the holidays is shooting. None of us really hunt or anything, but we do love to take out a target or two. This year we repurposed all those pumpkins I made Billy carry out of the patch. They explode in a really gratifying way if you hit them just right. It's fun to sample the array of guns everyone brings with them. There was even a cannon. Kidding, but one of my bro-in-laws guns kind of sounded like one. It was responsible for the demise of quite a few of those pumpkins.

We even managed to fit in a sisters' (and their various husbands/boyfriends) movie night, and finally got to see Mockingjay. (So good!) It takes some strategizing to figure out what to do with all those kids we have. If any of my siblings besides me and Amanda decide to start having babies we'll need to hire a day care center just to make sisters' night happen.

 

I am pretty thankful for the break last week. It was good to mix up the normal routine and do some fun stuff. Fun is kind of scarce in the mom scene ya know. And busy isn't always exhausting...for those of us who don't spend our mornings prying people's eyelids open, that is.