Jubilee

Recently Billy mentioned something to me called the year of Jubilee. It sounded kind of cheesy to me, but then I started reading up on it. It ties into the history of Israel and the idea of taking a Sabbath, but on a much bigger scale where every 50th year, slaves were freed and debts were forgiven and God's mercy was particularly obvious. This year of jubilee falls on this year, 2015. I'm not big into history, or symbolism, but I loved the thought of "claiming" (while I'm also not big into that) this for my family.

When I say claim it, I'm not envisioning us having the credit card company free us of debt, or never having to struggle, or being free from working hard for provide for ourselves. I'm thinking more along the lines of choosing to see God's mercy in everything, even the trials. I'm wanting to choose to be positive, to think positively, to find reasons to be happy instead of focus on what's going wrong in our life. We've had a lot of hard work, hard times, bad attitudes, and exhausting over the last few years. It's not working for us. I'm not the type to be naively happy-go-lucky, but I do think there is something to deciding to be content and looking at the gifts you have in front of you.

I know that this year is going to be a lot of hard work for us. Me at home, raising and teaching these 4 hooligans, and Billy at work, doing his best to be successful for our family in a career that he's really fallen in love with. But as this year progresses, and the tired happens, I want to be reminded that God has forgiven my debts, provided for my needs, and given me rest if I'll just look up and out of myself and take it. I am still going to have to work hard, but I believe that God will bless these efforts and our desire to find rest and provision in Him.

I know that changing your outlook doesn't mean life is going to be easy, or everything will fall into place, or suddenly your kids will all be obedient, and your career will finally take off and paycheck-to-paycheck can finally be a thing of the past. Nope. But it does mean that you are ok. You know where your rest, your freedom, your jubilee comes from. It means you're choosing to see how God has covered you, soothed your soul, and set you free. You have a new chance at life.

Kind of like these butterflies we've been watching, I feel like God has been with me through so many stressful, growing situations in these last few years. It's hard to see what is on the other side of the refining and the uncertainty when you're the one in the cocoon in the dark feeling like you're being ripped apart. He sees, though. He sees the beauty that comes on the other side. And while I'm sure there are still struggles on the "other side" of the cocoon, I feel like we've been given a fresh start, and a place to rest these new wings for a bit.

A Year

Over the past year we've had so many things going on as a family. So many changes, and so much growth. It's been pretty painful, but our 2014 wasn't nearly as painful as 2013. (I was so ready to kick 2013 to the curb.) We've moved into a new house, had a baby, had major ups and downs financially as Billy continues to work hard at his job...exhausting but good stuff.

Through all of that, though, we've definitely felt the absence of "one of us". This past weekend we recognized our little Charis Eden's "birthday", or the day we found out she was not going to be joining our family with her twin sister. December 27th...a day I'm probably never going to be a fan of. It was the most painful day I've experienced yet, and while I do love reminders of her, this one in particular is probably always going to be hard. All the emotions of that day kind of overwhelmed me, and I just wanted to do something to feel connected and honor her. 

We ended up deciding to have a fun family day, like we would with any of our other chidlren's birthdays. We bought a balloon and wrote little notes to her, which we attached to the balloon and let it go at a park where we let the kids play for awhile. We had dinner at our fav restaurant, Chuy's, and just were together. It was good for my heart to have friends message me and tell me they missed her too, and to hear my kiddos talking with so much love about the sister we all miss.

Even writing this, a year later, is hard. I'm crying, of course, and my kids are nosily but sweetly asking me what's wrong and offering me their M&M stash. I didn't realize until it happened to me just how much love it's possible to feel for a tiny person you only knew for 10 weeks. (Really...we only knew we were carrying twins for 2 weeks. I knew I was pregnant really early on, before 4 weeks even, but didn't know it was twins until 8 weeks when we saw them on the ultrasound, snuggled up together and both alive and well.) 

I don't even hope it gets any easier, really. I hate missing her, but I never want to forget her. I never want to not feel that someone is missing. And I don't ever want to be insensitive to any mother who has lost a baby, no matter how early. People seem to think your grief is directly proportional to the length of time you've known the baby you're carrying, that a mother who loses a baby early on really shouldn't be so upset. I'm sure it only gets harder as they get bigger and you get closer to meeting them, but losing a child is never easy...no matter how small they are.

We are so grateful for this past year, and for the effect that Charis Eden's short life has had on us. God used her to teach us, and many people around us, more about His grace. And especially in the pain of missing her, that's another gift that I am grateful for. Looking forward to this next year with each of these gifts, and all the growing and learning we will do as a family.

New Traditions

Christmas is pretty full of traditions. All families seems to have their own...some more than others, and some a little stranger than others. I'm not typically big on traditions, but I know that growing up some of the things "we always did" are some of my favorite memories. So I'll work on this for my kids' sakes. But that said, they weren't a fan of a "new tradition" we tried to start the other day.

We bundled them up and took them to get donuts in their PJ's. We thought our costume wearing children would love going out in their pajamas to get sugared up. Nope. They kept asking us why we would do that to them, and told us they were embarrassed. Little hypocrites. ;)

Once we got the donuts back home, though, it was a different story. They wanted to know when they could have more.

Of course some of us didn't eat donuts. She has fancy milk to drink, minions. And then it's time for her nap, where you better not forget to turn on her vacuum.

After we ate all those donuts we all worked out together, except for Fancy Pants of course. (I know I know, what is wrong with us...but we love it, and the kids think it's a big dance party in the living room.) So I guess if you have a tradition of eating donuts, at least you follow it up with a good family sweat fest. Next year, if this tradition continues, we might just have to skip the pajamas since it was so traumatic, and go in our superhero costumes.

As Christmas day gets closer, I hope you and your family enjoy many meaningful traditions and lots of time together. Thanks for following along with our family through another year! We are grateful for each of you! :)

Express Christmas

As we all grow up in my family, we have acquired in-laws. This isn't a bad thing, but require some holiday logistics for the most part. (A struggle that is real for many people, I'm sure.) This year is the year that 3 out of the 6 siblings will be in other locations for Christmas. So we had our "express Christmas" (Modern family watchers will get the reference) this past Sunday. I  know my mom freaks out a little when we aren't together on the official day of Christmas, but I think it was a pretty good substitute.

We always do this when we get together. It's just one of the traditions. Some of us are a little more comfortable with it than others. Mom handles a gun like it has Ebola, but surprisingly doesn't do too bad with shooting it. ;) We were all just impressed that she was actually spotted on the family "gun range".

In my case, I think it never hurts to have pretty nails while you're shooting. It especially helps in figuring out where your fingers are when it's so cold out that you can't feel them. Ok, maybe it wasn't that cold...but it's hard to shoot when you're shivering. (But I did still take out that stale gingerbread house we used as one of the targets. We are fans of seasonal target practice as well. Thanksgiving was pumpkins that were past their prime.)

It was great to have the whole entire group together. We really know how to fill up a room. And pretty much the only way to get everyone in a picture anymore is with a panorama. (But who am I kidding, rarely do we all sit still long enough to prevent someone ending up with three arms in one of those shots.) Everyone ended up with lots of new Christmas swag and stuffed full of candy that mom dishes out in the stockings.

It doesn't matter really to me what day it happens...family Christmas is always a good time, with lots of laughing and yelling and shenanigans. I love having a large family, and being able to get all these crazies together at one time. Glad that we all live close enough, and can generally tolerate each other enough, to make it happen. Mom only usually has to break up a couple fights. ;)

Even though we've already celebrated, I'm looking forward to Christmas morning with my own pack of hooligans. If I've realized anything after having kids, it's the spending time together that makes a day special. But...I'm not going to turn down presents either. 

Crazy People.

This is the time of year where you spend a lot of time around that group of crazy people we all call family. (My family is definitely crazy...but I see them all the time. So I feel like they don't qualify as crazy anymore.) It's also a time of year where there is a lot of good food sitting around to help you deal with said crazy people. I've been a really good girl this year, in terms of not eating my emotions. "I'm in a glass case of emotion." (10 points if you can name that movie. I don't know what you'll use the points on, but I don't want to seem rude and not give you points.)

Billy and I have been doing another round of 21 Day Fix between Thanksgiving and Christmas. So when I named this blog post "crazy people",  I was really referring to us, not that family member you're going to see in about a week. I do think it's probably the toughest time of year to eat green crunchy stuff instead of chocolate covered stuff. And people really bust out the parties this time of year too. And there is always non-crunchy green food at parties. Crunchy green food gets a lot of hate...even though green really is a very festive color. That said, we have done pretty well. Not sure if its out of habit at this point or just sheer determination. Either way I am looking forward to eating my entire stocking's worth full of candy Christmas morning.

To go along with the crazy, we've been working out together in the mornings as often as we can manage it. (What is wrong with us? I don't know, but we kinda like it. We've been doing Insanity Max:30 as a trial run before I start the challenge group January 1st. It's awesome. You should do it.) The kids park themselves on the couch and taunt us about sweating, ridicule us when we take a break, and laugh if we mess up a move. They're such sweethearts. ;)

As we enjoy Christmas, and wrap up this year, I'm remembering how crazy (and kind of awful) 2013 was. This year we've made new habits, settled in to a new home, made new friends, met our littlest love, and generally had a little bit easier time with life. It's been good to make some changes for the better for our family, from everything to our eating habits to our routine to just our attitudes in general. So, crazy or not, I'm grateful that I get to spend this holiday season with this bunch, and am glad for the lessons learned...whether that be deep life lessons, or just learning to eat your vegetables. (Me. I'm learning to eat my vegetables. My kids not so much. Does anyone's kid eat vegetables? If they do don't comment. Except to tell me what voodoo you do to make them like vegetables.)