Becoming My Mother...Sort of.

I know when you're a kid, you cannot wait to grow up. Adults have all the fun, right? No one telling them to go to bed, *Seriously, did I really NOT want to sleep at one point in my life?*, you can eat whatever you want *people can just tell you've been eating whatever you want*, and you don't have to go to school. *Just ask Billy if you're ever done with school and learning* I hear my sisters saying things like "I can't wait to graduate" and I feel like I'm having one of those 'I'm becoming my mother' moments. You know, like the one where you hear yourself saying "because I'm the mom!" to your child when you swore you'd never do any such thing. :) I have yet to say that btw...but it's coming.

I'm not ancient, don't get me wrong...I haven't even hit 28 yet. But I think I've lived long enough to realize that, while life does get better with wisdom, and the trials and blessings that God gives, we only have so much time in each season of our lives. I'm learning to enjoy where I am. Yes, the sleepless nights, the infant-screaming-at-me-all day, where I am. The terrible two's, the paycheck-to-paycheck, the swampy rental house, the newly smashed bumper on my not-yet-paid for car. *Ouch...that happened Monday. A blown tire flew out from the car in front of us, smashing the drivers side of our apparently very plastic bumper. Sigh.*

All these things I would miss if they weren't here. Well, maybe not the swamp and the bumper, but definitely this stage of life with my family. :) I would miss Tirzah and her chubby cheeks, waking me up in the middle of the night when she's moved away and in college. I would miss Merrick's stunts, irritating as they may be, when he's married with kids of his own. *I most certainly am not secretly wishing several crazy hooligans on both of them one day down the road. ;)*

This time will never happen again. Even though sometimes when I look at my life here and now, it seems like a mess to me, and makes no sense when I am trying so hard to get it right. God sees the end result. He knows how the trials I am currently fighting under will make me into someone even more grateful and dependent on Him. I can't possibly understand where He's taking me, or the awesome fulfillment that will come from giving myself and my family completely to His capable hands. I just need to learn to trust that He is in control. He sees, even when I can't, that this is going somewhere good. :)

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD,
plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.
- Jeremiah 29:11 -